living alone in a happy marraige with someone I love grown apart two people after all growing toward different suns the wisdom of age seeing the corner you have painted yourself into
persistence of memory by avalanchepark, literature
Literature
persistence of memory
down at the Hannafords for food and human contact at a distance like the old dog who can't catch the car but remembers the exhilaration of the chase I watch these stories pass by alive again in vicarious experiences resonating in my memory
so many years so many perspectives and still I can't see one integrated image in the faces of women each one speaks so many languages to my head and heart iconic social identities and personal experience melancholic and romantic and committed and lost I thought the cooling of the blood with age would drop me into one grand view from the high perspective of a life fully lived but I remain many people living in one consciousness we are all Dax each stage of our lives in it's own room and so I see each person with a group counciosness as all the colors refracted by the prism of my life++
Lanky Man is dead We started down the road feeding stray cats first a beautiful little pregnant one that settled under our crawlspace Then the ones who had always been there hidden Now seen at the dish My daughter named them all one day announcing a new face Lanky Man shape and demeanor named We discovered he was not feral abandoned by some path an old indoor cat trying to live in nature which, frankly, sucks in the end he came to trust us enough to be in the same space enough to be trapped and taken to the vets where he sat in cat jail waiting for someone to claim him It was a long wait Time he needed to adjust to people again living on anxiety medication And then the miracle a family with small children that he adopted first through the bars set him free I carried Lanky's cruel fate in my heart saving him from it was one of the best acts of my life his last year in a loving home where he was adored lighting one candle one light in a dark world
each day in the sunshine small things drift away living in the moment and letting them drift away the old names are gone moments just beyond my reach only random fragments remain more stubborn than the rest so strange to know the future when the past is all there is reflecting on the small things as they drift away
what part of life is each year for dog and man what part of life remaining for young man and old I am in my dog years each one now as precious as 7 at the start
Summer fades to winter darker nights and shorter days slowly killing the the surface world our old cat lies In my bathroom closet dying of her cancer and the toll of a long life and now the news the death of a friend from a time now faded like an old photograph like the line in the song I always thought I would see her one more time and make the image bright again The death of a memory gone with her passing another sand castle washed away RIP Lisa, thank you for the part of me that is you
I see the world in my rear view leaving this world and looking back the young with the possibiliy of love and the agony of loneliness tuned to the anthems of their condition the parents of all ages trying to remember how it was trying to keep their kids alive the middle aged discovering their is no rest cursed to live beyond their means I see the world In my rear view mirror leaving this world as my life flashes before me
I have no poetry no color or song trapped on a flat and featureless plain with the endless wind howling sleep brings the joy dreams caught in the act built from bits of ribbon and lost people that run from me as I wake looking for an exit back to a life in this world knowing it's not going to happen but walking on anyway